Pampers are for babies

After a conversation with Sarah about the way in which her every action is critically observed - not necessarily to find fault but to observe her strange muzungu ways (as a model or simply a object of comparison) and to determine her attitude toward the Rwandese, I was conscious of all I did (in a good way) and of the way others perceived and treated me. Sarah explained that she was always conscious to never take more than one piece of pineapple at lunch at Sonrise; otherwise, she may be sending the message that muzungu thinks she is entitled to more pineapple than everyone else. There are countless examples of simply trying to act as Rwandese do - distinction, in this sense, can be avoided and should be when possible. We, ex-pats in general, should be communicating to the Rwandese that we do not think ourselves superior in any way, and the greatest way to do that is through our actions, particularly the small, everyday behaviors.

Therefore, I have been particularly sensitive to any seemingly special treatment that I receive at UOB. Some examples for your consideration:

- In preparation for a branch opening, my boss asked me and all other interns to arrive at 7:30 a.m. so that we may leave by 8:00. I arrived on time, having skipped breakfast in order to do so. No other interns arrived for at least 15 minutes. My boss gave me a white UOB polo shirt and also, on account of my punctuality, and UOB hat. I was excited to have some UOB gear, especially some that looked so professional, but when the other interns arrived, they all received different shirts - grey t-shirts. I began to feel uneasy about my distinctive attire - which happened to be the same as my boss and other executives. Why should I, the young muzungu, resemble the management? Additionally, when we prepared to leave, I as a very small person was ready to sit in the very back seat, but my boss Laurent seemed shocked at such an insupportable idea. I assured him it was no problem, but he remained a bit confused and surprised. Jim Crow bus law revisited - but in his attitude? It is as if he has encountered so many muzungus who are not content if they are not in the front seat, least scrunched, in the path of the air-conditioning, etc. that he cannot imagine a different scenario. This same front seat/back seat confusion has become rather routine.
- There are a number of local interns, who rotate periodically from department to department, and two international interns, including myself. The internationals are more stationary, simply having projects assigned to them from the higher ups. This in and of itself makes me a little uneasy, although I understand the purpose in having our internships designed differently. However, the setup seems to highlight UOB's diverging purposes in granting internships: generally, the local interns gain greater knowledge and experience in their respective fields (extract), and internationals contribute valuable, needed knowledge and experience gained through university study (input). Recently, this setup has slightly changed in a way that alarmed me: Laurent assigned one of the local interns to be my assistant. I told him several times that I do not need an assistant, though I appreciate his consideration and know that Harriet is very competent, but that I do not want to interrupt Harriet's internship - she certainly has more important things to be doing than helping me. Yet he assured me that it was no bother - if ever I needed something translated or some help with a project, I could go to Harriet for help.

I do not know if my race, gender, perceived knowledge, or some other thing is the cause for these actions, but I am severely concerned that Laurent's intentions to convenience me are having detrimental effects on my relationships with the local interns (and perhaps other Rwandese in the office), despite my repeated refusal of his pampering.